for my secong year students here are the scripts that you can use for your upcoming plays.
Miss Fortune
Karen Mueller
Miss Fortune
A Short Play
by
Karen Mueller
Cast of Characters
Miss Fortune: An aging gypsy fortune-teller
Kelly O'Brien: A teenage girl
The Time
Present (however the sets, props and costumes give the appearance of the late 1940's)
The Place
The storefront space of Miss Fortune
At Rise: KELLY O'BRIEN enters and walks toward the entrance of Miss Fortune's storefront.
KELLY is a teenage girl of 16. SHE wears a modest skirt and blouse and has a ponytail with a ribbon in her hair.
SHE carries a black paten leather purse. KELLY enters Miss Fortune's storefront but is apprehensive.
A sign on the entrance reads "Miss Fortune Is In - Destiny Need Not Be A Surprise."
Miss Fortune's storefront space is dark and mysterious, somehow strange or perhaps a bit eerie or unearthly.
There is also a lot of dust. KELLY looks around. Center stage is a clothed table with two chairs.
A large crystal ball is set on the table along with a bell and a note card. KELLY sits down at the table and picks up the note card.
KELLY
(Reads the note card aloud.)
Please ring bell for service.
KELLY rings the bell. SHE waits a few seconds. Nothing happens. SHE rings the bell again.
MISS FORTUNE
(Off stage.)
No need to get your undies in an uproar - I'll be right there.
KELLY opens her purse and checks her money.
From off stage, a loud crash is heard, as if someone has fallen.
MISS FORTUNE
(Off stage.)
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH - Crap !!!!
MISS FORTUNE enters. SHE is wearing the ensemble of an old and worn-out flapper. SHE is completely disheveled.
MISS FORTUNE
Boy - am I glad you're here.
MISS FORTUNE sits down at the table with Kelly.
MISS FORTUNE
You know - it's been one hell of a day already. So - what brings you to my humble abode? Although I don't live here - I'm not really sure why I said that actually -
KELLY
Well - I - I'd like to have my fortune told.
MISS FORTUNE
You've come to the right place. I am a fortune-teller. At least I was a fortune-teller, the last time I checked. It did say fortune-teller on the door when you came in - didn't it?
KELLY
Yes, it did.
MISS FORTUNE
Good.
There is an awkward moment of silence.
MISS FORTUNE
Oh - how rude of me not to introduce myself - Miss Fortune's my name - your destiny is my business. And you are?
KELLY
Kelly O'Brien.
MISS FORTUNE
I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Kelly.
(Holds out her hand for Kelly to shake.)
Both women wait for the other to speak.
KELLY
(Finally.)
Lovely weather we're having for this time of year.
MISS FORTUNE
It certainly is. I remember when I was young girl - about your age - must have been 40 years ago or more - how old are you?
KELLY
I'm 16.
MISS FORTUNE
Oh - the sweet simplicity of youth. Appreciate it while you can - one day - before you know it - it'll be gone. Oh - to be 16 again -
There is another awkward silence.
KELLY
Is there anything special you need for me to do?
MISS FORTUNE
No - I don't think so.
There is a brief pause.
KELLY
Are you going to read my fortune?
MISS FORTUNE
Your fortune? Oh - yes - right. That's why you're here. Shame on me. I completely forgot. Heaven knows I'd lose my nogen if it wasn't fastened on. I seem to have misplaced my Lucky a few days back and I haven't been myself since. Have you seen him?
KELLY
Seen who?
MISS FORTUNE
My Lucky?
KELLY
I don't think so -
MISS FORTUNE
What kind of a fortune-teller can I possibly be without my Lucky?
KELLY
Maybe I should go -
MISS FORTUNE
(Howls.)
NOOOOOOOOOOO! You mustn't go until our work is done. There is still much we need to do. The path you're on is uncertain - unpredictable - ambiguous and quite vague. Your future is obscure, hazy, indistinct somehow. You are in a state of confusion - a decision must be made today.
KELLY
A decision about what?
MISS FORTUNE
Your destiny - your fate.
KELLY
I don't understand -
MISS FORTUNE
You may have had the thought from time to time that life was about chance - random acts both good and bad. Well you've come here today to learn the truth - everything that happens is fate - predetermined already - actually ordained from the time of birth. But somehow, your destiny has run amuck. You're stalled on the highway of life. You've come to me for a tow.
KELLY
Oh -
MISS FORTUNE
Not to worry. You're in the right place. And at exactly the right time. But I guess it always works that way, doesn't it.
KELLY
What?
MISS FORTUNE
Life.
KELLY
I suppose so.
MISS FORTUNE
Nothing to fear, my dear. It's a very simple process.
KELLY
What are you going to do?
MISS FORTUNE
I want to perform the Ritual of the Wild Warrior Princess of Zulu, but first, I'll need to summon the Great Voice from Beyond. That is - as long as he's not on vacation.
MISS FORTUNE starts to dance outrageously.
MISS FORTUNE
Get down - get funky. Funky like a monkey. Ooooooohhh, baby, baby - Oooooohhh, baby, baby. That's the way - Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh. I like it - Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh.
KELLY stares in disbelief.
MISS FORTUNE
What is it you young folks say today? I'm getting jiggy with it.
MISS FORTUNE finally stops dancing.
MISS FORTUNE
Now for the Chant of the Unforgotten. Or is that the Unforgiven. Oh- I can't remember.
(Pointing to Kelly's purse.)
You wouldn't happen to have the eye of a newt in there, would you?
KELLY
No - I don't.
MISS FORTUNE
That's too bad - perhaps we can make due without it.
MISS FORTUNE rises and ceremoniously begins the chant.
MISS FORTUNE
Macaroni, jello, refried beans, ham
Frogs legs, chicken lips, eye of newt, spam.
You have no idea how difficult it is to find something that rhymes with ham.
KELLY
I - um -
MISS FORTUNE
SHHHHHH! Can you hear him?
KELLY
Hear who?
MISS FORTUNE
The Great Voice from Beyond
KELLY
I don't hear anything.
MISS FORTUNE
Listen.
BOTH WOMEN listen intently but there is silence.
KELLY
I don't hear a sound.
MISS FORTUNE
Must have been a false alarm. It happens all the time. Wait - there it is again - Listen -
KELLY
(After a moment.)
No - I'm sorry. I don't hear a thing.
MISS FORTUNE
Wait -
MISS FORTUNE begins to go into a trance.
MISS FORTUNE
Hummmmmm…..Licorice…..candy corn…..chocolate covered cherries…..ice cream - ooohhh - banana fudge ripple swirl…..oatmeal raisin cookies…..lemon meringue pie…….tuna fish???? Lucky - is that you? Where are you, precious? Won't you come home to mommy? I miss my pretty little kitty cat -
KELLY loudly clears her throat awakening Miss Fortune from her trance.
MISS FORTUNE
I must have dozed off there for a minute. Now - where were we? Ah - yes - your destiny is destroyed - a wreck - in ruin. Let's see what I've got under here -
MISS FORTUNE puts her head under the table in search of a restorative.
MISS FORTUNE
I know. We can make a life-size replica of you in wax - - - no, too messy. How about a voodoo doll - - - no, bad karma. Ah-ha! Here's the perfect thing.
MISS FORTUNE rises from under the table.
MISS FORTUNE
Here I have the ultimate in fortune-telling technology. The finest in destiny damage control. The top-of-the-line tool for universal karmic reversal. I present to you ……The Equalizer.
(Shows Kelly a boiled egg.)
KELLY
It looks like an egg.
MISS FORTUNE
It is an egg.
KELLY
What's so special about it?
MISS FORTUNE
This egg has unyielding powers of metacarnation, prestidigitation, and telesignia-portation. And what's more - you can eat it.
KELLY
Why does that egg have so much power?
MISS FORTUNE
I boiled it.
KELLY
Oh -
MISS FORTUNE
With this egg in your life - all your problems will be solved. Your destiny will be put back on track. Your fate will once again be certain - definite - secure - clear. Bet you feel a whole lot better already.
KELLY
To be honest, Miss Fortune, I'm a little disappointed.
MISS FORTUNE
Disappointed?! What ever for?
KELLY
Well - I came here hoping to get the answer to a question.
MISS FORTUNE
But I saved your destiny. Rescued your fate. I even gave you an egg.
KELLY
I know - I appreciate all you've done. But I really want to know if Robbie McAllister is going to ask me to the school dance this Friday night.
MISS FORTUNE
Love. It's unpredictable, impulsive, spontaneous, impetuous - or maybe that's youth that's impetuous - but no matter. Questions of love I cannot answer.
KELLY
Oh.
MISS FORTUNE
Only time will tell.
KELLY rises.
MISS FORTUNE
That'll be $20 for today.
KELLY looks at Miss Fortune.
MISS FORTUNE
And don't forget your egg, my dear.
THE END
__________________________________________________________
Help Wanted
Everett
Setting: A very expensive restaurant, with one table at the center of the stage.
Characters:
James Porter, executive, tall, dignified, distinguished, carefully combed hair, late thirties to early fifties, extremely well-dressed in a navy blue pinstriped business suit, yellow silk tie and pocket handkerchief, red suspenders, black dress shoes polished like mirrors, starched white shirt. He is the epitome of the successful businessman. At the beginning, he is the very model of the self-assured, slightly arrogant hotshot.
Carl, the waiter, thirties to forties, thin and dressed in a waiter’s uniform, always smiling, speaks in a soft voice that never gets excited.
Hank, the chef, fifties, dressed in a chef’s apron and hat, mustache.
Mr. Everett, executive, similar to Porter.
At the opening, Carl and Hank are taking down a large help-wanted sign from the window.
Carl: Well, we might as well give up. I guess janitors are worth their weight in gold!
Hank: Yeah...(leaves)
Mr. Porter arrives.
Carl: Still, there's still hope...
Then Carl is showing Mr. Porter to the table, and hands him the menu.
Carl: Here you are sir! And will sir be dining alone today?
Mr. Porter: No I will be meeting two other people. I’m early…
Carl: Alright, sir! I must say, that sir is an exceptionally well-dressed gentleman. It is a great pleasure to have a man of such obvious distinction in our restaurant!
Mr. Porter: (confidently) Well, thank you, thank you! Things are going well in my career. (Carl leaves)
Mr. Porter sits quietly for a moment, studying the menu. Carl then returns and walks up to the table:
Carl: Sir, I…
Mr. Porter: I think I’ll wait to order.
Carl: It’s not that sir. I’m afraid I must inform you that…there seems to have been a complaint, in fact several complaints. They are in regards to yourself, sir!
Mr. Porter: What? A complain? About ME?
Carl: Well, sir, here at Chez Grand, we are very proud of our extremely quiet ambience.
Mr. Porter: (sitting with his legs crossed and his right shoe clearly visible) Well? What has that go to do with me?
Carl: Well, sir, it seems that you are disturbing the patrons with your…noise. It’s those…(he points to Mr. Porter’s shoes)
Mr. Porter: My SHOES!
Carl: Yes sir; I’m afraid that the squeaking is becoming intolerable. THERE…I just heard it again! We have had several complaints…
Mr. Porter: (with irritation) My shoes do NOT squeak! These are five hundred dollar shoes handmade in London!
Carl: Sir, please, I must ask you to maintain your composure.
Mr. Porter: (calmly) Very well…what am I supposed to do about it? I can’t leave. This is the most important meeting of my professional career! My colleagues will be here shortly, and I can’t reach them…
Carl: (shakes his head, clicking his tongue) It IS a shame to ask this of you, as you are such a well-dressed gentleman, but, sir, I am afraid I must insist that you take off your shoes.
Mr. Porter: WHAT!
Carl: Sir, I am aware that you are a man of great distinction. I have asked you not to get excited. I must insist…
Mr. Porter: You expect me to sit here with my shoes off? In my BUSINESS SUIT?
Carl: If you do not comply…
Mr. Porter: You’ll WHAT?!
Carl: Is sir threatening me? I may have to call the police.
Mr. Porter: The police! But…no..no…it’s just that…surely you can’t expect me, a man in my position, to have his dignity…
Carl: I must insist, sir.
Mr. Porter: (angrily) ALRIGHT! (He unties his shoes and grudgingly pulls them off his feet.)
Carl: (Picks up the shoes and holds them up) I will hold these for you. They certainly are a fine pair of shoes, sir! Sir has excellent taste!
Mr. Porter: (irritably) Thanks! (Carl continues to stand there) Well?
Carl: One more thing, sir…
Mr. Porter: What?
Carl: Sir is wearing business socks, I assume? Dress socks?
Mr. Porter: Yes, of course!
Carl: Well, sir, as you can see our floors are very well polished. We cannot take the slightest chance that sir might fall while walking. A law suit would ruin us!
Mr. Porter: So?
Carl: Well, sir, it IS the law, sir. I must have your socks as well…
Mr. Porter: (starting to stand up in anger) MY SOCKS!!! Do you realize who I am?! I am James Porter, vice president of Cabot, Everett and Shlemon, one of the city’s largest investment firms!
Carl: SIR! PLEASE! Everyone is looking! Please comply with our rules, sir.
Mr. Porter: This is outrageous! I can’t sit here in my bare feet! I have an important meeting – VERY important!
Carl: Sir, please, it is the LAW!
Mr. Porter: (in exasperation) FINE! You want my socks? Here are my socks! (He reaches under his cuffs and pulls off his black socks) Now I’m barefoot! ME! Are you satisfied.
Carl: (takes the socks) Armani, and silk! I should have known that a well-dressed gentleman like yourself would wear socks of such outstanding quality. Please understand that this is necessary, sir!
Mr. Porter: (visibly embarrassed by the contrast between his suit and his bare feet, tries unsuccessfully to hide them) Just leave me alone. (Carl leaves and then returns thirty seconds later)
Carl: Sir, I…there has been another complaint about you.
Mr. Porter: (wearily) ANOTHER complaint. (more annoyed) Who are these people who are so irritated by me! (He suddenly puts his bare feet on the table) Are my feet squeaking now? (comes to his senses) What am I doing? (puts his feet down)
Carl: (laughs artificially) On NO, sir! It’s your tie, your necktie, sir.
Mr. Porter: What about my necktie?
Carl: No fewer then three people have complained about it. The color, sir. They don’t like it. They will leave if you don’t…
Mr. Porter: Don’t what? Why should I care if someone doesn’t like my necktie?
Carl: Sir, these are regular customers…I MUST INSIST that your remove your necktie. It is…rather garish…and of course the matching pocket handkerchief as well…
Mr. Porter: GARISH! This is a Hermes two hundred dollar tie!! It is yellow silk. It matches my suit and my red suspenders! I will NOT take it off!
Carl: Sir, your belligerence is so extreme that I might easily have you arrested. And I was not aware that you were wearing suspenders, sir. I am afraid we have had very bad luck with them; they are strictly prohibited. Some diners have found their digestion impeded, and naturally we can’t have that.
Mr. Porter: That is absolutely ridiculous. Who do you think you are?!
Carl: (hands a written form to Mr. Porter) As you can see, sir…
Mr. Porter: (shoulders sagging, stands up) My tie, my suspenders, my pocket handkerchief…(he unties his tie and tiepin and takes them off, takes out his pocket handkerchief, and reaches into his suit to unbutton his suspenders, which he pulls out from inside his suit).
Carl: (taking all the items) THANK you, sir, for your cooperation!
Mr. Porter: Please, please, just leave me alone. (His dignity and bearing are starting to disappear, as Carl leaves, only to return immediately. This time, Mr. Porter looks at him with real fear)
Carl: Sir, I…this is a new regulation. No business suits without neckties. I’m very, very sorry, sir!
Mr. Porter: (exhausted) What? WHAT?
Carl: You are wearing a business suit, sir?
Mr. Porter: OBVIOUSLY.
Carl: Well, sir, neckties are ALWAYS required with business suits in our restaurant! ALWAYS!
Mr. Porter: But you TOOK AWAY my NECKTIE!
Carl: Sir, please.
Mr. Porter: What am I supposed to do? I’m meeting my friends…Can I borrow a necktie from someone, ANYONE!!!! (He looks around)
Carl: Sir, PLEASE! I simply CANNOT have you harassing the other customers! I DO have a solution! (He pulls out a large brown bag) Sir can trade his business suit for this!
Mr. Porter: Trade my business suit! You mean TAKE OFF MY SUIT! (looks in the bag and slowly pulls out the contents) This…this looks like a jumpsuit! A…a janitor’s uniform!!!! I am wearing a three thousand dollar Armani suit! You expect me trade this expensive designer suit for THIS!
Carl: Yes, sir! Isn’t it lucky that our janitor is not working today!!
Mr. Porter: But…but..I have a meeting! It’s so important, I can’t possibly…
Carl: It is OUR RULE, SIR!
Mr. Porter: (gives up completely) Alright…(slowly, in shock, takes off his suit jacket, his cufflinks and his white shirt and Carl takes them)
Carl: (holding up a tablecloth in front of the table) PLEASE be discreet, sir.
Mr. Porter: (takes off his suit trousers) Here…( takes the janitor’s uniform)
Carl: (placing the suit on a hanger) Armani! THANK you, sir! Oh, and here are flip-flops and the hat to go with it. (Carl starts to pull an orange cap on to Mr. Porter’s head)
Mr. Porter: (dressed as a janitor, holding his head in his hands) Go…go away…NOW! No HAT!! (he struggles for a moment with Carl when Mr. Everett, Mister Porter’s CEO, walks in)
Mr. Everett: James! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!!! Where are your clothes? Why are you doing this!
Mr. Porter: My boss! Please, sir, it’s all a mistake! Tell him! (he looks pleadingly at the waiter)
Carl: Sir was acting up, and we HAVE had a hard time…
Mr. Everett: You are fired, James, and I can assure you that you will never work in this business again! (storms out)
Mr. Porter: (utterly defeated) Why…why…
Carl: (totally different tone) You’re out of a job, huh, pal? Well, it just so happens you’re in luck! We need a janitor and we need one bad! Now get those flip-flops on and we’ll hire you!
Mr. Porter: A janitor! Me!
Carl: Come on Jimmy! No more SIR for you! (Carl drags a bucket and a mop out from the side and Mr, Porter now Jimmy, is reconciled to his fate)
Hank: (walks on) You DID it! (shakes his head) There’s gotta be an easier way to hire a janitor.
(directors you can use either one of these two scripts...ill be posting some changes here for the dates oif your presentation)